This rocked my world tonight.  Here are some excerpts...

"It is important that we know the nature of the evil in our hearts."

"Do you think the essence of your evil is disobeying commandments? That’s a good start. But it’s not the essence of our evil. Commands simply name the evil and its fruits, and tell us not to do them."

"But lawbreaking is not the essence of my evil. Desiring anything above God is the essence of my evil, before any commands name it."

And then this kicked me in the teeth...

"One reason this is important to know is that it will affect the way you pursue change. If you think the essence of your evil is commandment-breaking, your focus for change will be commandment-keeping.  That is doomed to fail for two reasons. If we get good at it, we think we have changed, but the essence of our evil remains. If we can’t get good at it, we despair and quit trying."

Read that last line again... slowly.  How often do we focus on the rule and fail year after year? I know this has been true for me.  Then again, if you've been brought up in an Western culture church then it should not be surprising.  We have an uncanny way of drifting off-mission rather quickly and focusing on the dos and don'ts.

I'm prideful...
I'm lustful...
I'm greedy...
I'm ambitious...
I'm manipulative...
I'm controlling...
I'm prone to anger...
I'm a people-pleaser...
I'm lazy...

The list could go on and on.  I know... I know.  I'm no supposed to confess such things... especially not here on the World Wide Interweb for all to see.  But maybe that's part of the problem.  We're too busy trying to appear holy that we miss this simple truth...

That on my best day... my very best day... it's still all filth.  "Shit" was the word Paul used.  And I won't begin to go into how an Old Testament prophet described it but let's just say, it wasn't pretty.

We forget that simple truth.  And because we forget that simple truth... we forget we need grace.  And because we forget we need grace... we feel justified when we don't give it to others.

I don't know what God is doing.  He's a mystery to me.  But, He's helping me with that partial list up there and it's not of my own doing.  I'm not fasting or praying or reading more (take a look at that last one).  In some mysterious way, He's moving and for the first time in my life, I'm simply allowing His grace to carry me.

"Everything inside me looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change, You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire when You're near me
I'm on fire when You speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
These mysteries  "
- Switchfoot